Tuesday

 
 April 1, 2017
NYYM Announces 2017 Annual Sessions Plenary Speaker!

Oakwood Friends School Alumnus
Former NPR, and current Fox News Contributor


Juan Williams

Plenary Message to Friends:  

You’re All Leftists!

A handful of NYYM Friends will drive from all over creation, waste gas, pollute the air, and reconvene in Summer Sessions after an eternity of not meeting since Spring Sessions.

Select Yearly Meeting Friends will once again meet at Annual Sessions, Silver Bay, New York


better known as:

Ridiculous Publicly Pious Cheap Vacation
at Lake George in the Adirondacks

When reached for comment the outgoing NYYM General Secretary, himself a highly paid minister and ‘rock star’ said, “Of course we’re all leftists, but what Juan will emphasize is that some like me and those who kept me here at such a high salary are the left-elite, as opposed to the garden left winger losers that love stand up in meeting and hear themselves rant.”

This year’s theme of workshops, discussions, and lectures handed down to us by the central office staff and central politburo hierarchy that enables them - we’re going to finally and forcefully come to consensus that we are all leftists!





Although Juan’s two sons work for the Republican Party, and he himself is considering joining the G.O.P., Juan is a Friends School graduate and we owe him our ears this summer as he gives us wings, especially those left wings, on our way in a spiral straight to Quaker heaven!

 
NYYM Spiritual Workshops


Friends will work on a minute that RSoF is no longer religious or spiritual.  It is and has been for decades – highly political.  You are not wanted as a Friend if you are not ultra-liberal, left, and elite, preferably a clean profession like lawyer or doctor, not a dirty proletariat news stand owner, cab driver or construction worker.



Many Friends have turned to Yoga to complement, even substitute a more sane spiritual life for that of irrelevant, absurdist Friends business meetings.  

An offshoot of Yoga - Laughter Yoga - will be embraced this summer a means of dealing with the President Donald Trump election and both houses of Congress now in Republican hands!  

Practice this chant at home, trying as hard as you can to belly laugh after each verse.  It will somehow not be so piquant this summer after hand wringing

Trump’s the President, ha, ha, ha
Hillary was unlikeable and didn’t show up, hey, ho, hey
She lost, after an organized campaign to undermine Bernie, ha, ha, ha
Obamacare’s history, but maybe I’ll have affordable health insurance ha, ha, ha
Another conservative Supreme Court justice, hey, ho, ho


So long government funded news and railroad,
PBS, NPR, AMTRAK buh-bye
Rosie O’Donnel and Rachel Maddow stuff a sock in it, ho, ho, ho
Planned Parenthood government funding, remember Acorn, Si-O-nara
Take a hike career bureaucrats in the EPA, State Department, ha, ha, ha
Andrew Breitbart is smiling down on us, hey ho, hey



 
Renaming Workshops


Forget the silly sexual pronoun renaming hand wringing other liberal societies will participate in this summer.  NYYM as a religion of “no” will stretch to try a minute to the world which no one will ultimately listen on our protest of the negative connotation of “left” in literature and in public speech. 

The negative meaning of “Left”

We’ll discern our feelings for the structural bias against things ‘left’ in formal and colloquial writing and speech.

  • Hurry up or you’ll be left out!
  • Where did you get that idea, out in left field?
  • See the world, or what’s left of it.
  • What’s for dinner, honey? Sorry, leftovers.
  • We were on our way to the horizon of happiness and mental health when suddenly we made a hard left turn into crazy town.


Even our more elite hyper educated Friends know we can go all the way back to a foundation of English with the French word “Gauche”.  Notice how its usage is inherently ridiculous of the left?  Clumsy, oafish, dense.

The world has to know what Friends stand for, and that is “left” and “no”.  Like a two-year-old who wants to have her (or even better, someone else’s) cake and eat it too.

“Left” is our witness to the world!



 
Removal and Renaming of RSWR

Will now be…. you guessed it:


Formerly located in the conservative leaning state of Indiana, home of our Vice-President, the RSWR will be renamed and removed to the bluest of blue state and city … you guessed it:

Left Sharing of World Resources
Union Square
NYYM Offices,
15 Rutherford Place
New York City, NY 10003

It was a tough choice, indeed Philadelphia Quaker bureaucrat central (some call it Philthy-delphia) the hardscrabble and miserable, closed-shop union armpit hell-hole 80 miles south of NYC, was in close contention, if ever a true Quaker could contend.

 
NYYM proposes - A Socialist Revolution at the AFSC


The American Friends Service Committee has effectively eliminated ‘Service’ as even part of its mission, let alone the core of its mission.  What with a closed-shop employee union dictating to the Board who can and can’t volunteer for the historic ‘service’ projects, Friends have come to the consensus that the acronym - AFSC - can still be so, but will now be renamed according to its new mission – left-wing political agitation

Nowhere in the AFSC Mission or Vision on it’s website, that means in 336 words describing what AFSC is and stands for, there is a use of the word ‘service’.



We hereby announce that NYYM will be sending its delegates to the politburo in Philadelphia to seek renaming as:

The American Friends Socialist Committee

Finally Friends have come home.

 
Renaming of a Monthly Meeting – Housatonic Meeting becomes….


The Quakers:  The lights are on but nobody's home!



Since there are so many small Meetings (groups of Friends) within New York, North New Jersey and Southwestern Connecticut, the weighty Friends of Silver Bay, or the Politburo, have arbitrarily decided that the satellite groups that supposedly give a mandate to the statewide body, are really simply satellites in the manner of the former USSR, and take dictation top – down.

Following that faux-elitist philosophy - A Simple Faith, a Radical Witness – as in radical socialist political action fits in to how Monthly Meetings or the country local churches like Housatonic grow weaker and weaker and the urban meetings with the urbane and hyper literate trust fund ne’er do wells, the layabouts, and the malcontents, like in Brooklyn, New York, or churches especially the central hierarchy, called the statewide – Yearly Meeting, at 15 Rutherford Place, New York, New York and Silver Bay, New York - grow stronger and stronger.

The new name of Housatonic Meeting:



A Horse and a Dog Meeting

 
Annual Sessions Closing Query


Should we have “settled for Hillary”?


Jesse Watters, graduate of William Penn Charter School,
the Oldest Quaker school in the world

Now a humorist and contributor to Fox News!



Jesse Watters will address our heartfelt pain as Bernie Sanders lost to arguably-hateable-Hillary last summer and then Hillary lost to hard-working Donald J. Trump in November 2016.  We’ll meditate on Boo hoo, in  a period of rapt silence after Jesse gives us his trademark wink and a smirk !



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